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Yes, it’s been a while since I’ve posted on a Friday, and therefore too long since I’ve done one of these. I’ll try to make up for it with an unusually long and special revise-and-resubmit from someone we all know and love, The Dogginess. She wanted to have her say, and I wasn’t left much of a choice in the matter.

Dear Human,

Thank you for sending me your work. I think it shows promise, and I have given  you my thoughts below:

  • I very much enjoyed the notion of milk bones hidden in the Kong toy. I think this is a theme you need to draw out: it deserves more time that its currently getting, and I’d like to see it much more often.
  • The rope chew is an excellent device: it really gets your point across, and the 3-inch diameter one with woven cords and squeaky ball glued to the end was a truly inspired choice. A few more items like these scattered throughout this would really make things interesting.
  • Walks. I can’t emphasize the importance of having at least one walk in every chapter. They’re vastly underrated for no reason that I can see, and they really tie a piece together in ways that defy explanation. Just trust me, and put in as many of them as you can.
  • I know that fresh water twice a day and 4 cups of organic kibble is an old standby that seems to wind up in every halfway decent work, but I just want you to remember that it’s there for a reason. Don’t forget it.
  • Cats. You can never have too many of them. Just make them a little more helpless, okay? There’s nothing a nice chase scene can’t improve.
  • I really didn’t feel that the dog bed was as defined as it deserved to be. I’d like to see that emphasized more: really make it opulent.
  • You have a real talent for scratching and ear-rubbing, but the tooth-brushing, nail-clipping, and generally any cleaning activities just don’t add anything to this piece. I think they need to go.
  • Baths. Why? I can’t understand this choice. It seems like gratuitous misery, tacked on at random. What is it supposed to add?
  • Stop it with the come, sit, stay nonsense. You’re adding unnecessary structure, and it’s getting in the way of things.
  • And last but not least – I think this work would benefit immeasurably from the addition of a secondary character, a sidekick-type: I’m thinking Springer Spaniel, about three years old, mostly submissive, but always ready to play. What do you think?

I know this looks like a lot of work, but I think it will really improve things. I’d love to see a revised version, the sooner the better.And one last thing — I know cheese doesn’t seem like an appropriate choice here, but trust me: it is. Try it.


The Dogginess

PS: When I say cats, I don’t mean as characters. You get that, right?