…Synopsis time, that is, or as I like to call it, hide-under-the-covers-and-pretend-I-collect-stamps time.
Seriously, anyone who has ever written one of these, or tried to write one of these, or just spent more than ten minutes thinking about writing one of these, knows it doesn’t really get much worse than this. I’ve scrapped 75K of plotless MS and started over; I’ve outlined; I’ve rewritten an entire book to change the genre; I’ve R&Rd, I’ve log-lined, I’ve STETed– hell, I’ve queried.
I’d happily do all of it again simultaneously, while riding a unicycle and singing a polka cover of My Heart Will Go On, if it meant I could avoid this bit.
My process, such as it is, will probably look like this:
- Write a sentence.
- Re-read all 200+ pages of Failblog.
- Write a paragraph.
- Post a moaning status update on FB, spend 45 minutes trading comments with fellow writers who have also suffered/are suffering.
- Delete the paragraph.
- Surf the internet for advice on synopsis writing, all of which I’ve already read, printed out, and tacked to the wall beside me so I don’t forget what I’m supposed to be doing.
- Write two paragraphs.
- Mourn the untimely death of my motivation.
- Re-read the submission guidelines of my targets.
- Make myself a drink.
- Moan on FB again.
- Delete the two paragraphs.
- Make myself another drink.
- Stare morosely at the screen and think about stamp collecting.
- Enjoy the irony of Step 6.
- Write a synopsis.
- Hate the synopsis.
- Start over at step 1.
It takes a lot longer this way.